**IT'S FEBRUARY, 2004. FOR THE VANCOUVER CANUCKS' FANS AND PLAYERS, TIMES HAVE NEVER BEEN BETTER...THE TEAM IS PLAYING SOME TOP-NOTCH HOCKEY, AND HAS BEEN DOING SO FOR THE PAST FEW YEARS. WITH A FEW MORE ADDITIONS, AND A LITTLE LUCK, THE 'NUCKS SEEM PRIMED TO BRING A BIG, FAT, SHINY CUP HOME FOR SUMMER VACATION. BUT AT A TIME IN WHICH THE TEAM'S FUTURE HAS NEVER BEEN BRIGHTER, ONE MAN IS LOOKING BACKWARDS, AND DOES SO WITH EXTREME GRIEF AND RESENTMENT...**
*Trevor Linden stays up late, as usual, replaying over and over again the same old footage of the Canucks’ failed 1993-1994 playoff run.*
Announcer: "Less than two minutes left, Canucks down by a goal-- they desperately need to send this game to overtime. Oh here’s a sloppy change by the Rangers, Gino Odjick has a breakaway, a chance to tie the game!! HE’S IN ALONE ...he shoots it into his own bench.”
Linden: “OH COME ON Gino, what the hell was that!? Gimme a break!!…
We should’ve won the Cup that year…we were so d*mn close!! Egh…now we might never get another chance!!"
But little did he know that just outside his house…
*Familiar nostalgic music starts playing*
ZZZZAAAAPPPP!!! SCREEEEEECCCCHHH..... BOOOOOOOM!!!
*A heavily worn car comes to a halt in a smoldering heap. A buff, but disoriented naked man stumbles out and into the alley*
Stranger: "Ugh, man, what a trip…when am I?! Hey, what's this?"
*The stranger looks down at his feet, and finds a recently discarded calendar*
Stranger: "2004?
"Hey, that means I'm back…YES!!! OH YES!!! IT WORKS!!! Hehehe...now to get things rolling! Let's see...Linden's house should be just around the corner..."
**A LITTLE WHILE LATER, AT LINDEN'S HOUSE...**
*The doorbell chimes with the theme from Full House. Trevor reluctantly turns off the video of Gino icing the puck while on a breakaway and answers the door*
Linden: "Yes?"
Guy: "Uhh...Linden?"
Linden: "What the…oh hey, coach Crawford!! Cool, naked pizza delivery, eh? Haha, man, what kinda crazy gimmicks will you guys come up with next!? Ahh well, so what do I owe ya...Two Small Hawaiian, right?"
Guy: "I’m not Marc Crawford, you pineapple-head! It’s Michael J. Fox, and I think we can help each other out"
Linden: "Huh? How can you help me…and why?"
Fox: "Well, as a star on such popular TV sitcoms as Family Ties and Spin City, I know what it's like to be a winner.
...But as a B.C. boy, I felt the bitter taste of defeat as you guys fell during the ‘94 Playoffs. So, after some long and painful experimentation on my part, I think I’ve found a way to help you and your team go back through time and win the 1994 Stanley Cup Championship!!!
Oh, and here's your pizza, $17.50 please"
Linden: "Mm...I only have a $1000 bill. You got change?"
Fox: "Nope, no change...and even if I did, where the hell would I keep it, I'm freaking naked, you dumbass"
*And so, through the insistence of Fox and the magic of three-way calling, Linden manages to get the entire team (including head coach Marc Crawford) on the phone line together! Visual connection is achieved via Linden’s webcam.*
Naslund: Alright Lindy, we’re here, what’s up?
Linden: "Thanks for picking up, guys. And you won’t believe this, but I’ve got Tony Danza at my house!!"
Fox: "BAH...for the last time, I'm M -- ahh forget it, what's the friggin' point"
Linden: "Uhh, right, anyways, he says he can warp all of us back in time to 1994 using his plastic 1985 DeLorean station wagon from the set of Back to the Future and help us to cheat and win the Stanley Cup."
Morrison: "... Of course! Man, why didn't I think of that?!"
Bert: "Hmm...go back to a time when there was no trap...no clutching and grabbing...and Beauty and the Beast was still in theatres?! I'm freakin' in, man!"
Naslund: "Well, looks like it's unanimous, Trev. You have the forwards' support"
Ohlund: "And the defensemen's"
Gimli: "And my axe!"
Linden: *sniff* "Thank you everyone - your encouragement is much appreciated. Well, it’s settled then, let’s get packing."
Morrison: "WOOHOO! THE CANUCKS ARE DOING VANCOUVER!!"
*So in lickity-split time, the 2004 Canucks pack up their bags, and somehow manage to pile all 25 players into Fox’s rickety old 1985 custom wagon!*
Fox: "Okay guys, hold on to your mullets, we’re going to 1994!!!"
Ruutu: "Yikes, watch out for those 15th-Century Native American warriors, Fox!"
Fox: "Yeah, yeah, I know what I'm doing, okay!? Just sit back and enjoy the ride... And get your ass out of my glove compartment, Ohlund"
Ohlund: "Hey cool, a calendar!"
*THE CAR ENTERS WARP, AND THE CANUCKS ARE OFF!*
**Flashback: February 1994 – The “Classic Canucks” are mired in a 5 game losing streak**
Announcer: Halfway through the third period, and the score is tied. Babych steps behind his net and waits for the play to shape up. Oh my, it's a sloppy change by the Devils, here’s Gino Odjick on a breakaway with a chance to take the lead!!!…HE…stops in the middle of the ice and skates back towards the Devils bench to fight with Mike Peluso!
Colour Commentator: I don’t understand this at all, Jim. Mike Peluso wasn’t on the ice at the time, and he doesn't even fight!
Gino: "You wanna go, pretty boy?!"
Peluso: "Please sir, I beg of thee, I do not wish to engage in fisticuffs at this time."
Gino: "Oh that’s it, you’re goin’ down, buddy, time to rock and roll!!"
Peluso: "But…
*sigh*…very well…"
Gino: "OOF, AHH, @%&!"
Refs: "Come on boys, break it up…"
Peluso: "I agree, there is no need for this. Let us part with a gentle handshake and return to the match at hand"
Odjick: "NO!!! I ain’t finished with you…uhh...Pe-loser!"
Peluso: "Okay, now you have gone too far!! Time to taketh thee to school!!!"
*RRRIIIPPP!!!*
Gino: "WHOA!! HOLY CRAP!!!…Take it easy, man!!"
*A couple of minutes later, the two are finally broken apart*
Arena Announcer (crowd booing in the background)::
New Jersey Penalty to #8, Mike Peluso: 5 minutes for Fighting.
Vancouver Penalty to #29, Gino Odjick: 5 minutes for Fighting, and a 60-minute minor for 'Hookering'
Gino: "WHAT!?!? But he pulled my clothes off!!"
Ref: "Ahh get outta here, you skank - before I really throw the book at ya!"
*The Canucks would wind up losing the game on the ensuing hour-long powerplay. They played again on the following day*
*After that game...*:
Cliff Ronning: "D*mnit Gino - a breakaway on an empty net with less than 1 second to go...and you somehow wind up scoring on us and tying up the game?!...WTH is that?! That's like the 10th time this season!"
Babych: "Uhh…guys, I don't wanna alarm you, but I'm feeling really tingly--and not in an exciting sorta way, either…Wha-- AHHHH!!!"
*ZZZAAAPPP!!*
Bertuzzi: "HUH?! WHAT THE HECK?! Hey...I--I'm stuck!!!"
Bure: "Uhh…uhh…AHHHH!!!"
*ZZZAAAPPP!!*
May: "Err…is this right? Did I always have five legs?! Oh wait, my mistake - there're only four here ...DAYM, PAVEL!"
Linden: "Argh, what the heck's going on?!…D*mnit, Fox, this wasn’t part of the deal!!"
Fox: "Heheh…whuh-oh. Looks like there was a hitch, guys…it appears that players from the two teams who happened to wear the same jersey number kinda got…fused together =P Whoopsie doodle.
**And so their jouney began…two teams, from two different times, now together as one (literally). The following are a few of the grotesque blunders who would help pave the way for future glory**
#10 Pavel Bure and #10 Brad May merged to form…
#10 Bure-d May.
#44 Dave Babych and #44 Todd Bertuzzi amalgamated to make…
#44 Bych-Tuzzi.
Michael J. Fox and Marc Crawford blended together to produce…
Marc Crawford.
 
#5 Murzyn and #5 Allen combined forces to create…
#5 Mur-len.
2004 Canucks: "HOLY CRAP!! No frickin' way…it’s--!"
Murlen: "Yes my hideously mutated friends, I am “Murlen”, and I shall guide you as you cheat your way to a championship."
Bure: *sigh* "But Murlen, look at us!! We’re freaks of nature, how can we play hockey!?"
May: *sigh* "But Murlen, look at us!! We're freaks of nature, how can we play hockey!?"
Bure: "Hey...shut up!!"
May: "Hey...shut up!!"
Murlen: "Fools, are you so blind that you cannot see past the two noses on your face?!
"My friends…you fail to realize the benefits of these mutations!
"#10, you now have the explosive scoring and skating ability of a puck-hogging Russian Hot Dog, with the stone hands and grisly ruggedness of a 3rd-class enforcer!
"And #44, you now possess the offensive prowess of a power forward, combined with the stalwart defensive skills that can only come from an aging, balding, fattening, blueliner!"
Bert: "OH, YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!!! I didn’t come all the way back in time to play defense with Super Mario glued to my ass!! How the heck am I supposed to drive a car, or take a dump?--I won't fit into any of the d*mn stalls!! THIS IS MORONIC!!"
Moronning: "Huh? Did somebody say our name?"
Bert: "That’s it, I’m going to bed!!…When I wake up, I'd better be back in the year 2004 - where the only place I'll see this weirdo's stupid head again will be on the cover of Nintendo Power!! ...F*CK!!!"
*They storm out of the room*
Jovo: "Geez...what a Bych."
*A LITTLE LATER...*
Gino: "Hey guys, look who I found sneaking around back! He says his name is Justin Lake Superior or something like that"
Timberlake: "Hi everybody! Sorry about sneaking into your dressing room. I'm just in town for a band audition, but I was wondering if you guys could give me a shot at making the team! The 'Nucks are my favorite squad, and I'm a pretty decent player!"
Gino: "So whaddaya think, guys? Wanna fuse the two of us together? I mean, with his above-average scoring abilty, combined with my movie-star good looks, we'll become the most popular player in the league!"
Justin: "W--Wait a minute, what fusion? You never discussed anything like that with me!!"
Gino: "Shh...Quiet, kid!"
Murlen: "I'm sorry Gino, but you know that's not how the fusion thing works."
Justin: *sigh* "That's okay...I guess I can always try to be a singer instead. Thanks anyways."
Gino: "Okay, cya later, Superior! Good luck!"
Justin: "...Uhh...Gino, you have to take your hand off of my shoulder first."
Gino: "Oh, right, sorry"
*Justin Timberlake leaves the room, never to return*
Gino: "Heh, I feel kinda bad for him...that kid's never going to make it." | 
